Changed Lives: Brandon's Story

Thoughts of suicide crept into my life...

I became a born again Christian two years ago. At that time I was at a desperate place, I felt that there was no point in living and had spent the previous ten years in and out of a suicidal depression.
 
I had grown up feeling very bitter, resentful and empty inside, living with my mum, not knowing my father and having no brothers or sisters. I had believed the lie that showing your emotions was a sign of weakness and would wear many masks to hide how I was really feeling, desperately afraid that someone would see the real me.
 
Thoughts of suicide crept into my life and became a means of escaping how I felt, but those thoughts soon turned into actions. The sad fact was that I was in so much denial that even when I would end up in hospital I would still wear a mask pretending everything was fine. For the past ten years I had heavily abused alcohol and drugs and looking back now, can see how much it affected my mental health.
 
At the end of 2004 I spent Christmas in hospital after a failed attempt on my life. It was a real low point and I knew I couldn’t carry on like this. I had lost the place I was living at and my only hope was a recommendation to be a resident at a therapeutic community in Sutton. The treatment lasted a year and all those who lived there would take part in daily group therapy. I remember praying to God desperately to get me in there. Even though my mum was a catholic I had rejected church from a very early age and would taunt her for her beliefs. Despite this, I had been praying many nights throughout my life that God would change the way I felt or let me die. I believed that because I was suffering here on earth that I would go to heaven, but I never went further to find out the truth.
 
I moved into the therapeutic community in April 05. At first it was a place of relief but I soon struggled, feeling trapped and I found it impossible to use the groups to open up. Then things started to change. Through two residents who were Christians living there the Lord started to reach out to me. I can only describe it as falling in love. The Bible says that Satan has put a veil on the eyes of the unbelievers and to me I felt that veil being removed. All of a sudden I was being filled with love and hope and life started to make sense. My whole life had been centered on me when the truth is it was all about Him. I realized how selfish I had been and gave my life to Jesus.
 
God has restored and healed many aspects of my life. Since that day I have not had one suicidal thought, to me it is no longer an option, I now know the truth and fear God. I have been reconciled to a father who dearly loves me and I finally can be with someone who knows the real me, I no longer wear any masks! God gave me the will power to escape the drug and alcohol world I was living in and healed my relationship with my Mum…I have literally been born again!
 
I started coming to Queens Road in April 06 and made some very strong friendships and feel a real part of the church. Earlier this year a friend of mine wanted to go on Alpha. I went for moral support but I found the course so worthwhile and I feel even more part of the church now. Even though I had been baptized in the Holy Spirit soon after my conversion I realized on the course I didn’t really know much about who the Holy Spirit was. Since completing the Alpha course I feel I have moved to a much deeper level of intimacy with him. Praise God.

"the Lord started to reach out to me. I can only describe it as falling in love."